Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

So, I know I haven't posted in, like, decades. Which means you have either a) forgotten that my blog was still in your RSS reader or b) not forgotten and have been curled up in a corner wearing the same pair of underwear for the past three years waiting for me to impart some wisdom on you again.

If you're in the latter, I hate to disappoint you yet again, but this one isn't going to do anything for your mental state. For everyone else, please put your seat backs up and stow away your tray tables, because you're in for one hell of a ride.

First, I realize that out of the context of the rest of this epic film, which my wife and I made the point of watching in its entirety today, this scene makes no sense at all. But within the context of the rest of the movie, I can assure you that it still makes absolutely no sense.

But really, if you could have seen some of the other special effects they pulled off in this movie, your mind would already be so blown that you'd have no problem just accepting that a shark could catch a 747 flying at full speed at cloud level. If it helps, keep in mind that the flight attendant was telling people to get ready for landing, so they were probably flying slower than full speed, anyway.

It really is a damn shame that this movie didn't win some sort of award. I mean, it would have been my personal vote for Best Picture and Best Visual Effects, as well as Best Supporting Actor for Mr. I'm-Getting-Married-In-Two-Days for that completely genuine look of shock. His delivery was just impeccable.

Hell, if nothing else, they should have given this thing props for the title alone. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. That's the actual title. Seriously, go look it up. And if you really want to get into it, it appears that there's a "Making of" show as well as a sequel, appropriately titled Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.

I'll wrap it up before I get too excited and accidentally drop in any spoilers. Instead, I'll just say that you have got to figure out a way to watch these examples of classic cinematographic genius. After all, they just came out with one more in the amazing "Descriptive-Name-of-Giant-Monster-Thing vs. Descriptive-Name-of-Giant-Other-Monster" series, and this time there's a crisis in the Florida Everglades.

Enjoy!

You throw like a girl

Oh, don't get all upset. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Need proof? Check out my friend Amanda's new blog.

Speaking of sports, flag football playoffs started last night. We won. And who had a TD reception? That's right, you bet I did. It's because I'm just generally awesome. I also had two interceptions for TDs. Ok, not really, that was some other guy on our team, but still...we're pretty badass.

It's Friday night. Peace out, homies!

Le sigh...

I'm experiencing writer's block, and not just on the blogatron machine. I'm writing something for something else and I've literally been in the middle of a sentence for the past hour - it's like I made a plot twist and the loop went the right way, and now it's stuck in a knot that I can't get undone.

Also, I just realized I've been using the dogosaur as a footrest for the past half hour. Oh well.

I work with crazy scientist people

Not really, but I do work at a large research university where professors do all kinds of smart people stuff that I'll never understand.

For example, this colloquium was included in our daily list of campus events:

(Physics Colloquium) Exotic Quantum Phenomena and Topological Phases in Spin-Orbit-Coupled Systems

ID: 53580

When: Tuesday, September 28, 2010 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM
Where: Physics : 1410
Event Type(s): Colloquium

The recent discovery of topological phases of matter in solid-state systems has captured the imagination of physicists around the world with tantalizing properties such as protected boundary modes, exotic electromagnetic response, and possible non-Abelian excitations, which have potential applications ranging from semiconductor spintronics to topological quantum computing and quantum sensing. 

Despite the exotic nature of these states, they may occur in a variety of conventional material systems, where the internal spin degree of freedom of the electron is coupled to its motion. In this talk, Victor Galitski, UMD, will review recent theoretical progress in understanding exotic phases and phenomena that arise in such spin-orbit-coupled systems. Basic concepts of topological insulating states will be emphasized. *** Full Abstract at: http://www.umdphysics.umd.edu/events/physicscolloquia/462-exotic-quantum-phenomena-and-topological-phases-in-spin-orbit-coupled-systems.html

Website: www.umdphysics.umd.edu/events/physicscolloquia.html

So, aside from the fact that I don't even know what a colloquium is (or how to spell it before this exact moment -  watch out WordFeud opponents!), what the hell is this colloquium even about?

I got curious and Googled "exotic quantum phenomena." According to the National Science Foundation, this has something to do with wedding cakes.

Okay, so I Googled "exotic wedding cakes" and, just for fun, used the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. I wasn't actually feeling lucky, but I figured what the hell, it couldn't hurt, right? Wrong - it most certainly could hurt. I'm not saying I'm a wedding cake aficionado (whats up WordFeud?), but damn, these cakes look like someone walked into Michael's with a blender and a family-size bottle of Ex-Lax.

Here's the very first cake they show on there. 

Seriously?

The damn pleats aren't even straight! Really? A three-tier pleated chocolate cake with some frumpy looking flowers and extra-long butt-hairs sticking out of the top is your idea of an exotic cake? 

Ok, maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe there are better cakes further down the page. So I'll use my little scroll-wheel thingy, and viola!

Wait a minute.

Your cake is in an effing basket.

And it's not even a cake. What the hell is that? You can't just take a bunch of Cherry Jubilee Andes mints, put them in a basket, and call it a cake.

Also, did I mention that this cake is in an effing BASKET?





Ahh, but I digress. Looks like I had too many non-Abelian excitations for breakfast.

We need to get back to the crux of the matter, which of course is the dangerous presence of topological phases in spin-orbit-coupled systems. After all, despite the exotic nature of these states, they occur in a variety of conventional material systems. That's right, we could see this stuff even in any of those material systems that you have laying around your house. I don't have anything to worry about, though, because I live a conventional-material-system-free lifestyle. Just say no, kids.

Well, I guess it's back to Google. At the risk of making my computer explode, let's see if we can find out exactly what a spin-orbit-coupled system looks like. Google Images to the rescue!

Hmm, so dum-dee-doo...there's a bunch of stuff I can't really understand, some cool looking 3-D graphics, a picture of Saturn, and then...

...this guy.

Who is this man of mystery? And why is he the poster child of spin-orbit-coupled systems? WHY?? I MUST KNOW NOW!

As it turns out, Masayuki Yamamoto is affiliated with the Institute for Theoretical Physics at the University of Hamburg. His focus is on electron transport blah blah Rashba coupling and wave packets of something else.

Wait a minute. A Japanese guy? In GERMANY? Doing things that I DON'T UNDERSTAND? AAAAAAUUUGH! ACTIVATE ALL CAPS AND XENOPHOBIC TENDENCIES!! IT'S ZEE GERMANS!

But wait, I guess not all Germans are bad. Oh wait, that was about World War II? Yeah, okay, I guess the Germans were pretty bad back then. Maybe he should appeal to his Japanese roots. Or, maybe not.

I know, I know, that was like 65 years ago, and we're all happy one world now. I should probably focus more on reading the entire event description before I go jumping to conclusions and Googling my way into a corner that I can't figure out how to write out of so I can end this post already.

After all, by not reading the entire colloquium description, I missed that it would be emphasizing basic concepts of topological insulating states.

So instead, I guess I'll just leave you with this, courtesy of my friend Lindsey, whose dog can be seen below getting assaulted by Squishy (in her younger, more form-fitting years).

Enjoy, y'all!

Cut and Paste

The blog post here from Hyperbole and a Half is amazing.

I hope that one day I can make posts that awesome. Until then, I'll just have to link to them.

Nom o'clock!

Today, I had lunch. It involved the biggest apple of all time.

Here are some photos, with associated office-y stuff around for scale. Mind you, these are full-size office-y stuffs. I have no use for mini staplers and mini staple removers and mini legal pads in my life.

You'll notice a hippo hiding behind my business cards...there's a good reason for that.

Because when said hippo ventured out from behind the business cards, 

the damn apple was big enough to eat the hippo!

So, in the end, there's actually a moral to this whole story involving foam hippos, oversized apples, and blogging at work. Clearly, I didn't learn it, but I do have football-shaped Oreo cookies to make up for it.

Noms!

I'm lazy

I know, I know. It's been a while. I promise I'll quit being so busy and get on my ass again soon to put something new here.

But, I was just looking at the stats for this blog, and it's pretty awesome that I'm getting web traffic from Guatemala. I mean, I know why - it's because I'm awesome (and possibly because I have awesome friends who had the balls to get the hell outta Dodge). But probably mostly because I'm awesome.